Light brown, almost hazel eyes. Golden brown skin. Little blonde hairs that compliment geometric tattoos that dance up and down his forearm. When you care about someone, deeply care about someone, every fiber of their being radiates like the sun’s brightest rays. The way they look at you when you talk to them about anything that makes you passionate, or the way they tell you to put your seatbelt on only because they care. And then, you start to fall deeper when a simple touch of a fingertipshoots like electricity through your body, and everything about this person’s being is simply bliss. We’ve all heard the saying of seeing things through rose tinted glasses, but the real question is, when do we take them off? Because somewhere between long talks and the things in common that drew you in, disagreements arise. Then immaturity. Then nothing. What was once the sun’s brightest rays becomes the one that got away.
I was there; I felt these things. I remember him sitting there, letting the chaos of a college party radiate off of his calm presence. I was drawn to him. I was genuinely impressed. Soon, extreme infatuation became weeks of discussing “The Art of War” and finishing the lyrics to Daniel Caesar’s deepest songs in each other’s company. I would sit and think for hours that this couldn’t be a cliché college fling; not with the way I couldn’t see straight when he was near. That’s where the rose-colored lenses come in. I didn’t realize how unhealthy it was that in between these wonderful things poisonous verbal insults did damage to the both of us. I became someone I didn’t even recognize. After going back and forth, the changing of minds and several “let’s try again” scenarios; it finally ended. “It’s run its course,” he said. I was shattered. Everything I saw and everything I touched became this person that turned out not to be a cliché college fling but much more. Commitment and words like love and titles can really do damage that you never saw coming to passion — don’t let it.
We all have someone that got away. They’ll tell you you’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you. And maybe that’s true, but if someone lights your fire and keeps your embers burning, don’t let them go. It’s easy to let immaturity and the stress of life distract you from what matters most. Time waits for no one, so why should we wait for time? If you can’t clean the crevices of your mind from that one person that defines your version of love or infatuation, don’t clean the crevices. Don’t fight one of the few things in life that everyone should indulge in.
Vulnerability is not weakness; it is strength. Although I didn’t take my own advice at the time, I’m now beyond grateful for my golden-brown experience. Why? It taught me to be honest with myself and to not be afraid to feel. But most of all, it taught me to find myself and only love another person who’s willing to love me for who I am — passionate thoughts, stand-for-nothing attitude and all. Thank you, golden brown, because you most certainly did.