I decided that for my last commentary this year I would razz the UTSAPD just one more time. The last time I wrote about Mahoney and the gang it was about them not doing their job, but then I got to thinking, just what in the hell does the UTSAPD do anyway? I mean really? They rarely catch anybody doing anything ever, a bike thief maybe here and there or some pervert, but that’s it. Most of the parking tickets are written by some miserable person in a blue shirt who won’t make eye contact with you.
The SAPD are the only ones I’ve ever seen writing tickets for speeding. So outside of, I dunno, being completely invisible or standing out front of basketball games just what in Pecos Bill’s name does the UTSAPD do? Does anybody know? The most memorable thing I can think of is buying new cars or expanding their department through idiot programs such as reverse 911.
When the police updated their cars, they received some criticism that they felt was unfair. These new cars were to give UTSAPD more visibility. Or was it invisibility? It’s hard to tell. Either way I think that cars were definitely worth the money because if you have the rare opportunity to actually see a police vehicle on campus they look pretty cool, especially when an officer is posted up in lot 13 chatting on a cell phone. But if looking cool is an effective way to prevent crime then next they should buy ATV’s that can go underwater or bulletproof unmarked Tahoe’s with optional rocket launchers. Hey maybe they have that stuff, who knows? You’d never get to see it. Not ever.
Do we really need a UTSAPD at all? There is a SAPD substation just off Prue at Fredricksburg, not five minutes away. They could essentially do everything our police department does, maybe without any extra effort or a single extra hire.
I’m not serious, not that serious anyway. I know we really do need police at UTSA, I get it, but come on UTSAPD, do something already. Drive around, have a parade on campus, something. I’ll give you a hint as to where you could start. Just fill in the vowels, SPDNG TCKTS DMBSS!