Rolling Stone Magazine reported last week that music artist Carly Simon had released information that her famous song, “You’re So Vain”, is written about her romantic relationship with manager David Geffen.
The U.K. Press also reported the song was purportedly written about Simon’s anger over rejection from Geffen, who focused more energy on other artists, like Joni Mitchell.
Now, if you can sing and sell records like Carly Simon, go on with your bad self. But if you sing as terribly as I do (or Ke$ha) then you need alternative methods to deal with rejection. I think I’ve devised a good list of tips,– the do’s and don’ts of rejection– and hopefully the next “It’s not me it’s you” won’t be so terrible.
1.Don’t make improvements! I don’t want to sound like your BFF Jill, but you shouldn’t change yourself to gain approval from another person. In all honesty, it is too late and it won’t work. If you are going to change, do it for yourself. Get healthy for yourself. Change your style for you. Alter your political opinions because you have become better informed. At a time when you are questioning yourself, it is important to remain grounded and rational.
2.Most of the time the rejection has nothing to do with you. Give yourself credit for approaching her. She could have a boyfriend, be married or have had a terrible day. Maybe she just got out of a relationship, or you’re just not her type. It usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
3.You may get sad, depressed, and angry, but deal with it and move on with your life. Sorry if this seems heartless, but be a “big-boy”, build a bridge, and get over it. This certainly does not mean you should ignore your emotions. It also does not mean that ‘real men’ don’t cry. Rejection is an inevitable part of life, and it is more how we play the cards we are dealt rather than which cards we are dealt.
4.Get off Facebook. Stop looking at Myspace. Don’t follow her on Twitter. Cease and desist. Please do not become ‘that guy’ who checks her Facebook relationships status, or monitors her mood on her blog. You look creepy and desperate. Just don’t do it. The person who rejects you is not the center of your universe (hopefully), and you have other people in your life, as well as hobbies and responsibilities that should fill your free time.
Start from the beginning and chose quality people to spend your romantic time with. You can attract the best of women if you build a quality life for yourself first. This means be healthy, be honest, be respectful and be yourself. If you construct a relationship based on these core values, then even if the relationships does not work out, the break-up will be aided by open and effective communication.
Is there a proven way to avoid rejection? I don’t think so. Some dating guides suggest reading female language so you can get out of there before the rejection button is pushed.
As I see it, rejection is rejection, but there are a few simple ways on how to ease the sting.
Reading female language can be simple and easy. Properly reading body language can help a guy evade a harsh rejection as well as help women get rid of annoying guys.
Women usually send positive signals to men when they are interested: a glance, a flip of the hair, fixing makeup or clothing, or a coy smile. For guys, this is the green light to approach the woman. Of course, this does not necessarily mean that the man and woman will hit it off.
Dating guides propose that men stick to small talk revolved around the woman’s interest. If the man gains the woman’s attention, then an exchange of numbers will occur and the night will be a success. If not, here’s how to avoid a crash and burn path through the road of rejection. Once a man starts sensing a woman’s indifference, it is time to make a quick clean getaway.
A woman will usually start sending clear signals of apathy. By responding with short, dry answers, fiddling with the cell phone, or continuously glancing away, a woman is subconsciously trying to get rid of a guy. That is your cue to get out of there-quickly.
Don’t just sprint out of there as though you suddenly developed a rash of hives. Excuse yourself to go back to your friends, answer a pretend call, or remember a phony meeting. Then mention how nice it was to meet her and leave.
That is a simple, polite way to ease the awkwardness. In the end, you didn’t avoid rejection, but it didn’t sting as much as it would have. If a woman has to actually say, “get away,” then you have overstayed your welcome.
As I end the article, I would like to mention how I did not find many tips for women or even gay men. Is it the lack of assertive women on the dating field? Or is the high success rates of gay men picking up other men. Who knows?
Women can easily follow the same rules I outlined earlier in the article, that is, if women start taking the initiative and approach the guy first.
Honestly though, I do not understand why rejection is such an issue. So what if someone doesn’t like you at first? Rejection follows someone who has low self esteem. The only way to stop rejection from bringing you down is to embrace it. Run around and hit on anyone who will give you two seconds.
Rejection might sting at first, but after a while you stop noticing. Rejection isn’t unavoidable, but it also isn’t the end of the world. Pick up the pieces and move on.