Independent Student Newspaper for the University of Texas at San Antonio

The Paisano

Independent Student Newspaper for the University of Texas at San Antonio

The Paisano

Independent Student Newspaper for the University of Texas at San Antonio

The Paisano

Satire

Another introvert was left in critical condition after attending a job interview last week. Senior Noe Soschalskills was rushed to the university’s campus clinic after he began mumbling, staring down at his shoes and eventually falling into a catatonic state during his interview. The interview was his first opportunity to secure a job post-graduation, and the pressure was on for him to do well.

Noe had been showing signs of trouble before the interview even began. “He had looked at his student loans the day before,” said Noe’s mother, Alana. “He began hyperventilating and eating an alarming amount of pringles. I was frightened for his health.”

The interview seemed to have been going well at first, as Noe made it to the career center on time (and responded when his name was called). The trouble began when the interviewer asked about the weather, a question that Noe had not prepared for.

“He began making obscure references to Seinfeld,” said interviewer Jobcoby Jobson, who questioned Noe about his degree. “On paper he was the most qualified candidate,” explained Jobson. “But, when I asked why he wanted the job, he just froze.” After Noe finished the interview, Jobson stated he knew Noe “wasn’t right for the job.”

This is the fourth reported case of an introvert performing poorly in an interview this month. The most serious case included a student losing out on a job that he would have actually enjoyed doing. Meanwhile, extroverts continue to find success in similar interviews, sometimes having little to no relevant qualifications for the job offered.

At the university’s clinic, Noe received a treatment of Netflix with some time alone in his quiet zone. He is expected to make a full recovery.

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