Alone in Perpetual Darkness — No, This is Not About Existentialism

Abusive Relationships

There are many types of abuse, but they all have one thing in common: It is never the victim’s fault. It’s hard to be aware of emotional abuse, but there are key signs to look out for. Some include:

Gaslighting

Degrading language

Hurtful comments disguised as “jokes”

You feel responsible for them, they constantly victimize themselves to gain your favor

Controlling and obsessive behavior

Not every form of abuse is easily seen; a lot of the time it’s verbal. This kind of abuse is mentally deteriorating and drains every ounce of energy you have. Mental/emotional abuse can make you feel like you can barely crawl from day to day — hoping that the next day will get better, but it won’t. Being in an abusive relationship is hard to realize because victims think of all the good times and hope that it will get better one day. The reality is that the relationship won’t get better because the perpetrator, the person who says, “I love you” also knows you. They know the victim’s limits, quirks and how much to keep others wrapped around their fingers.

There is a difference between partners putting in an effort and giving it their all. The person who says they are in love is obligated to back up that love with effort. Being in college makes it harder to detect negligence and abusers will use this to their advantage by saying they don’t have time or money. Abusers will make their victims feel bad for wanting their time. Abusers get into victims’ heads by saying they are needy, annoying, selfish, rude and so much more. Victimizers try to make their partners hate themselves and only love them. These people tear victims down until they have nothing left to give.

The hardest part is getting help, but it’s also the most relieving. Talk to someone you trust and let them help. Everything is easier said than done, but getting help is the best thing for you mentally and physically.

For me, getting help was hard. It felt like I was dragging myself through the day and forcing my body to be okay with things because my significant other wanted it. Not a day goes by without me thinking about all the things that happened during that relationship, but I am trying my best. I am smiling more, caring about myself and being okay with who I am. The biggest advice I can give is to love yourself. If you don’t, then the relationship you are in is not worth it. Go through the steps to leaving, even if it’s hard. Love yourself enough to care about what is being done to your body and mind. You are worth it. You are good enough. You are loved.