Satire: SGA hopes for record-low voter turnout

Robert Avila

Student Government Association elections begin today, March 8, and will extend until tomorrow. Signs posted around campus ask students to make their voices heard, show that their vote matters and to elect the right candidate for the position. To help students make this important decision, candidates are using increasingly vague campaign posters and videos to get their message across, providing little to no information on what positions are being voted for or who will be running for the position. Hoping to break their record-low of being voted in by less than 5% of the 30,000 student population, the SGA looks to continue its tradition of being electing by members of their organization, their own friends, and the smallest minority of student voter.

Students will be able to vote tomorrow on ASAP using any computer, cellphone, or tablet available to them. UTSA has provided this to allow students to vote anywhere they choose. A student may vote on campus, in their underwear at home, so long as they have Wi-Fi or cellphone service.

With how easy it is to vote, SGA rises to the challenge, making students as frustrated and disinterested in their elections as possible. It is no easy task to make 30,000 individuals choose not to participate in a vital part of campus life, but this year’s election campaigns look to be the most successfully bleak in UTSA history. SGA has done an excellent job providing students with virtually no information on candidates or what positions are open for election and has strengthened its continued goal of making sure the peers they serve have no idea what their organization really does for the campus.

The key to the success of this year’s election is the vague and uncertain campaign posters and videos featuring only two students, one running for president and one running for vice president. The posters serve to make sure students know at least two positions are available for election, and that these students will most likely win, being elected by their organizational peers. With obscure poster messages like “ Fixing AIS – You’re Welcome Freshman” and “Improving Academic Advising – I believe waiting for one month isn’t okay” these type of generalizations most people would agree with lack the promise of any real action, and make sure the candidates will be elected simply by being the only ones running that actually made a poster.

“Wheeeeee,” states the overly formal VP candidate, pushing the presidential candidate on a swing in their campaign video, with the slogan “Pushing for UTSA.”

Students not having already left for spring break today can look forward to the surprise of not knowing any candidates other than these two SGA members on the ballot running for president and vice president on ASAP and as well finding out there may actually be more positions to vote for. Not knowing who or what you will be voting for however, it is advised that students simply not vote and continue the tradition of letting the candidates organization and friends on campus just decide who will run the campus for you.

Ending their final campaign video on the Donald Trump inspired “Make UTSA Great Again” the sure win candidates hope to continue making SGA as alienated and unavailable to the 30,000 students they serves, and look to continue going about whatever it is that they do.