Giant black cloud of existential dread slowly approaching graduating students

Giant black cloud of existential dread slowly approaching graduating students

Robert Avila

As graduation approaches in May, students set to walk the stage are beginning to report sightings of a large and thunderous storm cloud hanging over the university’s Main Campus. The cloud ­­— invisible to faculty, incoming students and visitors ­­— has begun evoking fear and uncertainty into otherwise oblivious graduating seniors.

“It’s terrifying,” said student Mark Debtson, a double major who stared into the eye of the storm. “It flashed green and gold, and lightning struck a tree,  inscribing my student-debt in bark.”

The massive storm has been notably sighted every spring since the university’s conception; however, this year marks a record high amount of views. The reports have been building since the start of the semester, with the highest reports seen directly after Grad-Fest with a notable spike after spring break.

“I was returning from Padre when I saw it right over the JPL,” stated petroleum engineering major Jim Coldwater. “There was a clap of thunder that sounded like me crying after a job interview.”

While no rain showers, hail or movement have been reported by those who witness the cloud, the storm has been reported  to vary in size with some students stating visibility from as far as 200 miles away.

“I was in Houston visiting my family for Easter,” explained anthropology major Kim Thirdward. “My mom asked me about graduation invitations, and then I saw the storm. It was far, but I could see it,” she reported, shivering. “It looked exactly like me sitting in a cubicle. There was a picture of my sorority sisters on my desk and I could just tell I hadn’t seen them in years.”

While the inevitable storm appears large and imposing to some, a handful of select students report seeing the storm as merely a small rain cloud.

“My internship from last summer offered me a full-time job,” voiced student Summa CumLaude. “Scholarships paid for most of my courses, so I’m not too worried about graduation.”

When asked about the cloud, senior technology professor Jerry McCloud stated it was only a shadow of the university’s powerful cloud computing, which is one of the best in the state.