Big Sis Advice: Is it that deep?


Kimiya Factory/The Paisano

Kimiya Factory

I remember this moment vividly several times throughout my life: being asked if whatever I fought for was ‘that deep.’

For whatever reason, when I was little, I was obsessed with ‘wedding girls.’ I don’t know what it was about someone being in a wedding dress that I equated to being a real life princess, but I also hid chicken nuggets under my car seats for convenience, so my logic at the time is not the focus here. However, it was deep within my obsession of ‘wedding girls’ that, one day, I told my mom that a wedding girl was exactly what I wanted to grow up to be. And just like a lot of parents do, she chuckled, kissed my cheek and told me that being a ‘wedding girl’ wasn’t a real job. While my mother went back to chopping an onion for dinner, I sat staring at my feet that hung off of the kitchen counter—devastated. I remember thinking, “What the hell am I supposed to do now?” I could’ve bet three of my PopTarts that was the job for me.

Fast forward 14 years later, and I am the furthest from a ‘wedding girl’ that anyone can imagine; I am a whole activist; a black feminist shaking up a city with conversations that no one wants to have. I challenge other people’s beliefs and even struggle maintaining a social life because I’m always questioned if what I’m fighting for is ‘that deep.’ So, on the record, here’s my reply:

If you want to be a goddamn wedding-girl-princess, who’s stopping you? If the daily obligations of a wedding girl makes your life have a speck of meaning, be the best ‘wedding girl’ you can be. The fact that it fulfills your life makes it ‘that deep.’ It’s 2019 and we are respecting people’s experiences; Trans, Black, Gay, Fem Identifying etc. Educate your children on realistic job aspirations of course, but please don’t crush their dreams. Encourage them to dig a little deeper and for the love of God, put an end to questioning anyone with a passion that burns like fire if what they believe in or who they want to be is ‘that deep.’

Speaking from experience, it usually is.

For my dreamers,


Big Sis