The recent TikTok controversy that has erupted on “CleanTok” calls into question if gravestone cleaning is a good deed or if it is disrespectful to the deceased.
For those on “Cleantok”, their For You Pages have seen a surge of individuals going to graveyards and scrubbing headstones. The controversy gained a following when the creator, The Clean Girl, gained attention from her cleaning videos. There are several videos of the creator going to graveyards and using various materials to clean gravesites. In some of her videos it was found that she used cleaning chemicals along with a number of different brushes to clean the stones. Most of the headstones that are being cleaned in the grave cleaning videos are older stones some even dating back to the 1800s. Cleaning chemicals and soaps can seep into the crevices of the stone and cause damage from the inside out. With the older stones, they deteriorate overtime on their own without the help of a harsh cleaning job.
In her comments there are countless people who consider it to be a good deed that brings life back to an old stone. Some people believed that the service was kind because she was doing it for free and the appearance of the stone was restored. Many others seem to find the videos disrespectful to the family of the deceased who do not want strangers touching their loved one’s grave. Messing with gravesites of a stranger is disrespectful. It is not known that the things that are on the burial site are placed there for a reason. Cleaning mementos such as stuffed animals could also be harmful in a sense that the memories may be washed away. In one of the videos involving gravesite cleaning she scrubs the stuffed animals that were placed on the grave. If you think about it, would you want someone to wash something that holds the last memory of a loved one that has passed.
Gravestone cleaning has become rather controversial since the media perceives it as a hobby. In the recent outburst of TikTok and its cleaning videos there are countless videos with thousands of likes and views of grave cleaning. But, what people fail to realize is that not only is it someone else’s property, gravestones are expensive. The average cost of a headstone is $1,000-$3,000 and can increase depending on the style of the stone. The national median cost of a funeral is $7,500; considering the expenses of the service and the headstone it should be common courtesy not to tamper with the headstones. Cemetery etiquette on nps.gov states “Don’t touch any monuments or gravestones”, the reason being that the objects at a gravesite were placed there and are meaningful to mourning families. Along with that, it eliminates accidental damage even in the event that the cleaning was done with goodwill; in the event that damage follows the service, who would be paying?
Gravestone cleaning is only acceptable if done properly without the use of harsh utensils and chemicals that could ruin the integrity of the stone. It is not recommended to clean a random headstone, but rather if you have a relationship with the deceased or permission from a descendant of the deceased.
