Satire: Sheriff Arpaio, ‘America’s toughest sheriff ’

Satire: Sheriff Arpaio, ‘America’s toughest sheriff ’

Cade Brashear

President Trump has delivered on few promises spoken on the campaign trail and in his short yet glorious tenure as our Commander in Chief, but on Friday he has finally come through. President Trump has officially pardoned one of his earliest, outspoken and patriotic supporters – ex-Sheriff Joe Arpaio, clearing him of criminal contempt in regards to following the orders of the alt-left Federal District Judge G. Murray Snow to stop racially profiling likely illegal immigrants in Arizona.

The pardon came as a relief to many Americans who were hoping for the pardon of this 50 year veteran to our nation. Throughout Arpaio’s 24 years as the safeguard to Maricopa county, he has made tremendous strides in the defense of our nation. Such accommodations to his illustrious and often awe-inspiring resume include putting over 400 reported sex crimes from 2004 to 2007 on the back burner to focus on the real threat of illegal immigration.

He has put so-called “minimum security” inmates in his now infamous (but sadly soon to be closed) “Tent City” to endure temperatures regularly exceeding 120 degrees Fahrenheit, reaching the point of melting their shoes. This pet project of Arpaio’s is an outdoor extension of Maricopa County Jail, in which he served molded, expired, and otherwise deteriorating food to detainees, reflecting their true character.

While many left-wing extremist groups including the United States Department of Justice, Amnesty International and the American Civil Liberties Union have all condemned and even tried to stop the heroic actions of Sheriff Arpaio, he has continuously ignored their advances, instead choosing to ensure the safety of the United States. Safety, as all Americans know, is of utmost importance.

In the defense of his country, Sheriff Joe has shifted at least $50 million over five years away from the “Restricted Detention Fund,” which is used specifically for rewarded luxuries such as food, clothes and detention officer salaries. This was done in attempt to crack down on hopeful immigrants traveling to our country by putting more officers on the streets of Maricopa county.

Unfortunately, this was found to be illegal as some of these funds were used to pay for trips to Alaska, the Disney World Yacht Club Resort, upgraded flight seats, upgraded rooms in hotels and the alleged political surveillance of the Sheriff’s rivals. What the fake news fails to mention, but we must remember, is that these trips and amenities were used to boost the morale of Sheriff Arpaio’s officers so they could better identify, profile and subdue illegal immigrants while on duty.

For all of Sheriff Joe’s hard work and dedication to his county, he was awarded with an assasination attempt at the hands of assailant James Saville for simply doing his duties to maintain the peace. Of course, Mr. Saville has since been released on the grounds that the entire thing was a hoax to get Arpaio re-elected, but this does not change the fact that this Sheriff has put his life on the line.

I believe all of us, especially in the vibrant culture and community of San Antonio, can rest a little easier knowing that this American hero will continue to risk his life repressing immigrants because of the efforts of President Trump in ensuring a safe and unified America.