Clarity at last


Ryan Houston-Dial

Photo by Ryan Houston-Dial

Alyssa Lopez, Contributing writer

There was a certain vision in my head. A plan that I wanted to follow from the very beginning of college. My vision started with having my career path already picked out. Finish my basic classes within two years, continue with my primary studies and not fall behind. I have always told myself that everything happens for a reason. But when the plan that I had envisioned did not pan out, I was devastated. At the start of my college career, I was utterly lost, internally and school-wise. Not being able to figure out who I was and what path was right for me caused me to become unfocused and unbalanced as I bounced from major to major.  

My family members continued to support my college decisions and encouraged me to take my time on choosing my major. I now realized how hard I was on myself. Everyone around me seemed to know what they wanted out of their lives and how they would get there, heightening my sense of fear. The notion of being so lost in all aspects of my life terrified and broke me down past the point of discouragement. I tried to remind myself how young I was and that I had an immense amount of time, but I did not allow myself the time of day to figure out anything involving who I was as a person to what I would love to do as a career. In all honesty, I had lost all sight of what I was doing in life. The fear of not being good enough for anything I chose to pursue had taken over my mind. My most significant conflict happened to be internal, and sharing how I felt with the people around me was difficult, so I started writing down any and every thought that came to mind.  

“ I used to always look at the sky and see nothing but gray. The sun never to be seen, for it was hidden behind the masses. I would look away and close my eyes, wanting only to see darkness, not wanting to get out of bed, and for the day to be over before it even began. Then something changed within me. I chose to see every day as a new beginning and told myself never to dread when the morning comes.  I chose to look up at the sky every day and see it for what it is—painted with all its glorious colors of orange, pink, purple, and blue. A sky filled with an abundance of beautiful white clouds that stretch on for miles, as the sun rays would cast a glow on the rim of each cloud passing by. At that moment, I noticed my surroundings changed with my perception of life. It was as if my eyes were opening for the first time. But after they were opened, I wished never to imagine what it would be like to close them and see nothing but darkness.”

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In those moments of freewriting, I was finally able to see what I wish I would have seen from the beginning. Writing has always been a form of expressing myself when my voice would fail me. I had discovered my writing is my voice, and this discovery allowed me to see clearly what path best fit me. I intend to attain a Bachelor’s Degree in English with a concentration in Professional Writing. I want to learn the technicalities of written language to further my desire to become an author. I may still feel lost from time to time, but I have never been more sure of who I am and what I want. Life is truly like a rollercoaster with its different twists and turns. I know now that it all depends on how you choose to live through it. You can either be terrified of life or embrace it, and I have finally decided to embrace my rollercoaster in life.