Be your own soulmate


Joanna Paje, Staff Writer

What an isolating feeling it is to be the only person in the room without a romantic partner. Imagine, for a moment, that you were invited to a party for the holidays. The winter chill is in the air, the Christmas spirit bounces off the four walls of the room, the soft music plays from the speakers tucked into a corner and the fireplace burns a beautiful shade of amber. You look to your left and your right, and everyone around you has someone’s hand in theirs. The idle chatter, the soft and lingering touches, the unspoken words between two people: it can all become too much. Try as you might, your smile starts to fade from your lips. That familiar hollow feeling in your chest makes itself known once again, and suddenly, your fingers itch to be interlocked with someone else’s. 

Humans are friend-shaped. The way they are built, designed, created — they are meant to hold another person. The space between their head and shoulders was made for someone to nuzzle into. The slots between their fingers were for someone else to fill. The curve of their waists were made to be held. The natural pudge around their abdomen was meant to nurture another human life, made to be loved and appreciated, made to be used as a pillow. 

There is a danger in this thought process, though. External things such as social media, school or work somehow make you believe that you are not living your life unless you are living it with someone else. This is simply not true. Your legs touch the ground so you can walk your own path. Your lungs expand and deflate so you can breathe in the crisp spring air in the middle of March. Your heart beats to pump your own blood through your body. Your arms reach out so you can push yourself back up when you fall down. 

You exist for yourself. You are not half of a relationship, you are a whole person. Social media and the people around us sometimes make it feel like relationships are the end-all-be-all to life, but there is so much more to living than being glued to someone else’s side. This is not to say that relationships are not needed at all and that people should go from dating their long-time partner to just being single for the rest of their lives. Having a partner-in-crime feels nice, it feels like paradise, but understand that at the end of the day, the only person left to hold your hand will be yourself. That is okay. 

Time and time again I have seen people my age tweet and comment and cry about wanting a significant other, about being tired of being single and complaining about how they just want someone to hold at night. I understand that it can be tiring having to be the only one you come home to every night, but your own company can also be just as comforting as someone else’s. Understanding who you are outside of a relationship and getting to know yourself intimately, in my experience, tastes even sweeter when it is shared with someone else, but you have to get to know yourself first.

It is okay to be single. Even in the day and age where everyone around you has been assigned the love of their life, it doesn’t mean that you are falling behind just because you haven’t found yours yet. It doesn’t mean that you are unattractive or that you are not enough; it doesn’t mean that you are unwanted or that you are unlovable. You are deserving of the love that you allow yourself to give wholly to others. People will come and go and they will fill the chapter in your life that needs to be filled; after all, we are but a blank book waiting to be written by those around us.