how does one cope with the reality 

that they’ll never be the person

somebody chooses to love?

and i don’t mean your friends

who you can’t believe you’re 

lucky enough to even call that

but a person, strange or familiar,

whose heart connects with yours so deeply

it’s as if you’re in a dream, and you

wish you’d never wake up 

when you’re awake you force the idea away

claim you’re fine with the adoration from

your friends and family

yet somewhere in the 

smallest corner of your brain

you still dream of finding that special person

i didn’t think this dream was my own

but it becomes harder to deny 

when those around me 

are finding a person

who they fit with like a puzzle 

do i not deserve it? 

am i too difficult to love? 

i know these things aren’t true

but my mind is a force

i struggle to reason with

and so it convinces me that they are

the aching contradiction

of wanting to be loved, but struggling to believe i can be 

of wanting to offer romance, but not quite knowing how 

causes frustration to swell in my eyes

i claim i’m not ready 

for this type of love, but i wonder

will that love ever be ready for me?

still, i don’t think it’ll happen to me 

anytime soon, so i’ll just keep watching

while it happens for everyone else