Politically left, TWIX-ically right

Malaki Lingg, Assistant Web Editor

For over a decade, an impossibly intricate social war has been stuck in the American public’s mind. Is it the war on drugs, crime or homelessness? No, it is the division between the Right and Left TWIX. 

In 2012, Mars Inc. — the overarching conglomerate in control of TWIX — began a media campaign stating that Left and Right TWIX were actually different and that there were separate factories for the two. While many believed there was no difference, there is and the Right TWIX is the better side. 

One of the many ads aired discussing the conflict between the two sides told the intricate history associated with the halves of the candy bar. According to TWIX, the two brothers, Sheamus and Earl — who had invented TWIX — were unveiling their candy, but due to creative conflicts and pent-up tension during the candy’s creation, they had snapped the original bar in half. This action decidedly separated the company into the two distinct right and left sides we know today. 

As a result of this conflict, the two chocolatiers split their company in half — much like they had done to the candy bar — and ventured off to found their separate factories. Earl, who would go on to establish Right TWIX, traveled far and wide for the perfect location for his factory. After doing so, Earl looked to his left to discover his brother Sheamus copying him by choosing a neighboring plot of land. This action displays the integrity of Left TWIX; they had to rely on Right TWIX to find the place to start their business. A shady business tactic committed by a shameful candy. 

While each factory ended up being beside the other, they had their own distinct characteristics and practices to set them apart from one another. Right TWIX is “crafted with crisp cookie cascaded with chewy, gooey caramel and cloaked in smooth, velvety chocolate.” At the same time, Left TWIX is “created by flowing caramel into crunchy cookie, bathed in creamy chocolate.”

Why would one want to eat a candy bar that is bathed in chocolate? Bathing is a term synonymous with cleaning oneself in a tub of water, and I would rather not think of dirty water while eating. While Left TWIX reminds me of grime, the latter does no such thing. The idea that Right TWIX is cloaked in chocolate gives a visual representation of quality and class when I bite into the confection. 

The other methods used by Right TWIX overall represent a higher level of class than its counterpart. “Velvety chocolate” and “chewy, gooey caramel” imply that I am purchasing a high-quality and well-respected product, while Left TWIX does not achieve the same effect. “Flowing caramel” and “creamy chocolate,” while not being terrible descriptors, lack the creativity and amazing ambiance that Right TWIX as a whole establishes. Right TWIX appears to be a high-quality product, while Left TWIX sounds like a cheap imitation and an off-brand candy with the way the two products are described. 

Overall, Left TWIX is a cheap shell of what it formerly was before the two sides split. They use inferior production methods compared to Right TWIX, pushing unsavory imagery into your head and showing no ingenuity when faced with creative choices.