Satire: Wrong classroom, what now?

Tuesday, Aug. 18 marked the first day of college for incoming UTSA freshmen, something to be enjoyed and celebrated as they begin their semester. For student Missy Stake, this was to be her first day as an English major. Excited, she was ready to begin studying the subject she had enjoyed her whole life. There was only one problem. She was in the wrong class.

The problem began at 7:45 a.m. when Missy, a commuter, could not find parking. Described by witnesses as “nightmarish,” “horrifying” and “at capacity,” the parking lots near campus had become so filled that officers had to be called in to disperse traffic away to farther lots. Missy was forced to park in lot 11, the furthest lot on campus. After an already confusing commute on a cramped shuttle, Missy found herself running to the M.H. to make her 8 a.m. class. She accidently entered the B.B. instead.

Rushing late into a Calc-3 class, Missy was at first unaware she had made a mistake. “She was very late,” noted student Mark Segway. “She did not make it to class on time,” he finished.

Immediately after sitting, Missy was asked to state her name and a fun fact about herself, unprepared for both questions. Accidently calling herself “Mandy” and stating a false love of orange tic-tacs, Missy sat down demoralized.

When Professor Harding began to pass out a mandatory pre-test, Missy became frozen with fear when she saw that it was a calculus exam. After having already spent 30 minutes hearing other student’s fun facts, Missy realized she was too embarrassed to leave, deciding instead to take the 40-minute test and leave afterward. Worse of all, Missy did not have a red Parscore and had to uncomfortably ask the person sitting next to her if she had an extra one she could “borrow.”

“I immediately resented her,” reported the student who handed over the Parscore.

Twenty minutes into the exam, Missy’s phone began ringing loudly, startling two students next to her which caused them to drop their pencils and caused half of the class to stare at her in a stern manner. Professor Harding, who had been texting, strongly suggested that she “turn her phone off.”

After finishing the test and near the end of class, in a twist of fate, Professor Harding began taking attendance, having forgotten to do so earlier in the class. Starting with last names beginning with the letter A, Missy realized it would only be a matter of time until she was found out.

“I began hyper-ventilating and losing my vision. I lost feeling in my legs,” she recalled.

Doing the only thing she could think of, Missy burst into tears, running out of the classroom screaming into the hallway.

Professor Harding later reported at the next class meeting that Mandy failed her exam.