Big Sis Advice: Jealousy


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This week’s topic includes the deal breaker, the end-all-be-all of many relationships: jealousy. Whether you’re in a serious relationship, a situation-ship or just jealous of the girl who talks to the person you secretly crush on in chemistry class, jealousy is something no one should be embarrassed to feel.

I feel like there’s a popular and growing notion, that jealousy is damning. You see, the problem with jealousy is that not only does no one take the time to understand it but most don’t even know when they’re feeling it. However, the important distinction between toxic jealousy and natural jealousy, is an important one to make. I’ll never forget my first experience with jealousy, in that moment I realized I was just human.

I was in 5th grade and I had the friend-of-friends. We shared Oreos at lunchtime and bonded over the newly written Twilight series that our parents arguably shouldn’t have let us read at that age. Anyway, this was my homie. My right hand. I never expected the coolest girl in 5th grade coming for my friend. At first, my friend was just sharing Oreos with her but then our Twilight conversations got shorter. I mean, this coolest girl in 5th grade was half-way done reading Breaking Dawn and I had only just started Eclipse.

I felt my blood boil when they started sitting together during story time. I just couldn’t compete. When I finally went home crying in frustration after the last-straw at recess that day (no invite to talk about how Bella had scandalously became a vampire in Breaking Dawn), my mom gave me some valuable advice that I still hear echo in my mind.

“Do you know how small a grain of sand is? Now think about how many grains of sand are on a beach. Inside of you, throughout your life you’ll have as many feelings as grains of sand there are in this world. The type of jealousy you’re feeling over your friend is only one of the types of jealousy you’ll feel in life. Never be embarrassed, but don’t ever let it overcome you.”

I went to school the next day and talked about Twilight with the coolest girl in 5th grade and my friend. I understood that my friend could have other friends too and still want my input on Bella having a vampire baby at the same time. Did I go on to be jealous in other situations and even relationships when I grew up? Hell yeah I did, because I’m human, and jealousy is one of those things that is inevitable if you ever care about anything in life.

The next time your person shares Oreos with someone else and your blood boils, own it (this doesn’t mean you should lash out or slit tires). Don’t exclude yourself or bottle anything in. Accept that you are jealous and internalize why it is that you feel that way. Dig deep, because we have beaches of emotion within us, but what’s a grain-of-sand jealousy going to do anyway?

For all my Twilight fans,


Big Sis