Rapper Ice Spice once pondered “Think you the shit, bitch? / You not even the fart.” Crude as the topic may be, some of UT San Antonio’s restrooms are a big, stinky “fart.” Students deserve to know the prime spot to drop a deuce on school grounds. Here are the five best and worst men’s restrooms on Main Campus.
Best bathrooms
- John Peace Library, fourth floor
Silence is liquid gold, and it is found on the fourth floor in the otherwise fast-paced John Peace Library. Here is an oasis of Lysol and Febreze smells, the finest stalls on campus, glowing sinks and incredible lighting. No nasty stench and a clean space make it the supreme lavatory.
- John Peace Library, first floor
The JPL first floor restrooms by the Subway are exceptionally clean, with an eye-catching glass mosaic panel throughout and a toilet bowl seat so reflective, Medusa could turn herself to stone. Despite the busy atmosphere, the janitorial staff is on top of cleaning, making it one of the best-kept gems on campus.
- North Paseo Building, third floor
The NPB’s third floor bathroom is heavenly to defecate in. Its bonafide charm and elegant interior design stem from tasteful dim lighting and indicator stall doors locks, showing if it is occupied.
- Arts Building, first floor
As the saying goes, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” This is false, for the first floor Arts Building bathroom is objectively stunning. The sleek modern grey pastels on one side of the wall and perfectly sized bricks on the other is an artistic touch sure to be most appreciated by restroom goers.
- Recital Hall, first floor
The Recital Hall’s eloquent restroom boasts a modernized design, despite some dated features like its sinks and hand dryers. It makes for a delightful experience when needing to defecate. If one is lucky, they will be blessed by music from musically-inclined Roadrunners.
Worst bathrooms
- Flawn Science Building, first floor
There is only one word to describe this bathroom: crappy. Finding the bathroom in the maze that is the Flawn Sciences Building can be harrowing, but a small trick is to lead by smell rather than sight. Upon entering, the most violating, pungent smell overwhelms the nose. Due to the lack of toilet paper, water faucets and soap, this bathroom smears a big poopy stain on UT San Antonio’s reputation.
- Multidisciplinary Studies Building, first floor
The UT San Antonio Multidisciplinary Studies first floor bathroom is the dull middle child of restrooms. Its 1990s-esque design, cobwebs, rust and unflushed toilets frighten any restroom-goer. To top it off, half of the stalls are unusable.
- Biotechnology Sciences & Engineering Building, first floor
Within the eye-catching BSE is a little turd of a restroom hidden in the first floor. With toilet paper on the floor and skid marks on the toilet seat, a better bathroom is worth waiting for. Additionally, the taped out nearby women’s bathroom looks like a crime scene.
- McKinney Humanities Building, first floor
The McKinney Humanities Building is one of the most crowded, so the five-stall restroom does not accommodate Roadrunner’s explosive needs. With its mediocre design, it brings memories back of a boomer’s bathroom decorated with tacky magazines and old statues.
- Business Building, first floor
The Business Building is full of sweaty finance bros, and the first floor bathroom is right by the Pizza Hut. This placement creates a tragic mix of smells that bring back memories of food poisoning aftermath.
A few fabulous toilets do not make up for UT San Antonio’s restroom failures. Every bathroom on campus should aspire to be on the JPL’s level, but for now, students should stay wary of where they handle their business.
