Independent Student Newspaper for the University of Texas at San Antonio

The Paisano

Independent Student Newspaper for the University of Texas at San Antonio

The Paisano

Independent Student Newspaper for the University of Texas at San Antonio

The Paisano

Texas’ worst mascot award goes to…

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Kara Lee

A mascot represents the heart of any given team — its triumphs, its passion, its motivations and its pride. The best mascots are not only a ferocious token for opponent intimidation, but they also show up and show out through interactions at events. That being said, not everybody is lucky enough to have a stud like Rowdy the Roadrunner as their mascot. 

San Antonio

MySA Staff Writer Jess Elizarraras said it best; San Antonio mascots do not “settle for Eagles and call it a day. No, dear reader. That’d be too easy.” Step aside, San Antonio Zoo, the Alamo City’s chaotic mascots need a zoo of their own. The following are San Antonio’s top eight worst sports mascots, number one being the worst.

  1. Puffy Taco

While Ballapeño the Jalapeño, Missions Baseball’s spiciest mascot, is creative and humorous, Missions Baseball’s other mascot, Henry the Puffy Taco, falls short. The two pay homage to San Antonio’s treasured Tex-Mex and Mexican food selection, but the difference is that a taco is not nearly as fierce or funny as Ballapeño. Admittedly, it is not hard to outshine a faceless taco.

  1. Globies

While a globe makes sense for the International School of the Americas, a magnet school housed in Legacy of Educational Excellence (LEE) High School, what are “Globies?”

  1. Buttons

A button is part of a rattlesnake’s rattle, but why not just call the Central Catholic High School team the rattlesnakes? Buttons are unique but tame.

  1. Coyote

Speaking of Spurs, what is up with that coyote? Save for sports enthusiasts, the general public would likely guess that the San Antonio Spurs’ mascot would be some iteration of a metal spike attached to the back of a cowboy boot, but rather, the Spurs’ mascot is a coyote with bulging eyes. Sure, the coyote has more of a ferocity factor than a spur or even a boot would, but it is still a bit out of left field.

  1. Arrows

No, it’s not what you think. Communication Arts High School’s mascot is not an archery arrow; The Arrow is a seven-sided polygon you can see on a road sign. An archery arrow would have been much cooler.

  1. Voks

Lanier High School’s Vok mascot is a mechanical gear that is part of a larger machine. While symbolic, a Vok is not a mascot-worthy object.

  1. Military Service Dogs

Don’t forget that LEE used to be named Robert E. Lee High School. During that time, the school’s Confederate soldier mascot was a tribute to its namesake, Confederate General Lee, the man who led the South in the Civil War. Since the school’s rebranding, the LEE Volunteers adopted the Military Service Dogs as their mascot. It’s an upgrade from its racist past, but only a small one. 

  1. Indians

Arguably equally as problematic as LEE High School’s previous mascot is Harlandale High School’s mascot, the Indian. Need the Kansas City Chiefs to remind y’all? Cultural appropriation is not okay.

Texas

  1. Pegasus

Booker T. Washington High School’s (Dallas) mascot, Pegasus, is a unique one. Are they more whimsical and childlike than menacing? Absolutely.

  1. Unicorns

In the same realm as the Pegasuses, but slightly less cool, are the Unicorns. As Keller Williams New Braunfels said, New Braunfels High School’s mascot was “originally taken from the coat of arms of Prince Carl of Solms-Braunfels. This blue unicorn in a gold field was a nod to the city’s German roots.”

  1. Zebras

Imagine having zebra print all over your high school walls. This isn’t far from reality for Grandview High School. Isn’t the world past its 2016 animal print obsession?

  1. Clutch

Another H-Town team with a mascot that falls short is the Houston Rockets. You would expect the mascot to be a rocket, but no. The team took after the Spurs and chose a bear to represent their otherwise-named team. Clutch is cute, but where did the idea for a bear come from?

  1. Skeeters

Once again, what is a skeeter? A mosquito. Mesquite High School and formerly the Sugar Land Skeeters minor league baseball team were both represented by a mosquito. Yes, Pfizer has said mosquitos cause over 700,000 deaths per year, but their small build is not threatening. 

But which Skeeter is “Moe” mascot-worthy than the other? Sugar Land would have taken the cake with the mascot name Moe Skeeter, whose name phonetically sounds like the word mosquito, but they have since been renamed the Space Cowboys, which could very well earn a spot among the worst mascots too.

  1. Golden Sandies/Golden Sandstorm

If someone has to Google what a “sandie” is, your mascot’s nickname is not it. Amarillo High School’s “Golden Sandstorm” sounds mildly inconvenient but not intimidating. Not to mention, the school’s logo more closely resembles a peanut.

  1. Blizzards

The same can be said of Winters Independent School District in Winters, Texas. 

  1. Gobblers

Cuero High School Gobblers are just turkeys, thank goodness. You can only imagine the innuendos opposing teams may come up with.

  1. Ro-Hawks

Randolph High School’s mascot, the Ro-Hawks, is an interesting combination of rockets and hawks. Mash-up mascots are uncommon for a reason: they’re just too bizarre.

  1. Stingarees

No, that is not a typo. Stingarees, not stingrays, represent Texas City High School. Even weirder than the name is the design of the mascot suit itself. It has a human-like body with a stingray head that resembles a gray cowboy hat.

  1. Temoc the Comet

Temoc is comet spelled backward. Interesting choice, UT Dallas. ‘Runners see which UT satellite school is the favorite child. 

  1. Orbit

Yes, Orbit, the anthropomorphic space alien, is clever for the Houston Astros, considering Houston is dubbed “space city,” but he’s more cute and cuddly than anything. From a native Houstonian, thank you, next.

  1. MavsMan

Please Google a picture of this mixed-breed human basketball. Enough said? Do Dallas Mavericks fans ever think twice about their former mascot? That thing was terrifying. The reboot isn’t much of an upgrade either.

  1. Burrs

What’s a burr, you might ask? Great question. After consulting Google, a curious internet user will find the Chinquapin Preparatory School’s mascot, Burr, is “a rough or prickly envelope of a fruit.” 

  1. Cotton Pickers

Yikes. Another mascot with a potential racist connotation? No thanks, Robstown High School. Even with the cotton industry in the area, this mascot is iffy at the very least.

An honorable mention goes to all of the Texan teams with a human as their mascot – looking at you, Dallas Cowboys, Texas Tech Raiders and Texas A&M Aggies. But do not fret, y’all are not alone. There are still the Farmersville High School Fightin’ Farmers, Woodlands High School Highlanders, Roscoe Collegiate High School Plowboys, Brazosport High School Exporters, Mason High School Punchers, UT El Paso Paydirt Pete, Hamlin Collegiate High School Pied Pipers and William H. Taft High School Raiders. These humanoid mascots feel counterintuitive. A human representing a human is strange and seemingly harmless.

Leave a comment on this article about which mascot you think is the worst. All jokes and criticism aside, no matter which mascot you dub the worst, they undoubtedly make Texas a much more interesting state.

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About the Contributors
Riley Carroll, Arts & Life Editor
Riley Carroll (She/They) is a class of 2024 digital communication major with a minor in film and media studies. Originally from Houston, Texas, Riley is pursuing photojournalism and concert photography. Riley joined The Paisano during the spring 2022 semester after missing being an editor for her high school yearbook, The Talon. At 18 years old, Riley's photography won first place in a state-wide ILPC competition and at 19, she contributed her first article to the San Antonio Express-News. At The Paisano, Riley enjoys conducting artist interviews and covering live shows. Aside from The Paisano, she has published work with the San Antonio Express-News, The Fort Bend Herald Newspaper, The Talon Yearbook and The Heart Sounds magazine.
Kara Lee, Graphic Editor
Kara is a communication major on track to graduate in 2025. After graduating they hope to work for non-profits that specialize in environmental concerns so they can give back to the planet that provides so much for us. When Kara is not in school or working they can be found either drawing or hiking.

Comments (2)

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  • R

    RubenApr 9, 2024 at 10:32 pm

    the #1 spot definitely surprised me.

    Reply
  • J

    Jack IeggyMar 29, 2024 at 1:01 pm

    The Robstown Cotton Pickers are named after the Hispanic workers who picked cotton and built the town up. The community is completely fine with it and it is made to honor those who are responsible for the towns success.

    Reply